Interview with Marilyn Meberg

WOF:
That’s a great title—just about all of us have had our roof cave in at some point, haven’t we?

MARILYN:
And if you haven’t, you’re going to! That’s life.

WOF:
Is it possible to keep our roof from “caving in” in the first place?

MARILYN:
That’s part of what’s in the book: what to do if it happens, how to prevent it, and how to walk it through and get yourself out of the rubble. I hope I covered both sides of it. That’s why I loved what they did with the cover. (I had nothing to do with it.) There’s a crack, and the shutters are hanging precariously, but they haven’t totally fallen off. I spent a lot of my life with MY shutters hanging precariously, learning ways to keep those things from hitting the ground and taking me with them.

So yes, in answer to your question, there are suggestions—I think in almost every chapter—on what to do when your roof caves in and how to keep it from coming down. It’s a how-to book!

WOF:
Once our roof has caved in, is it possible to repair it?

MARILYN:
Anytime something breaks, there’s a weakness at the point of the break. The good thing about that weakness is we will know the price we paid when the roof caved in. We will have an awareness that we never had before that, “Oh my gosh, this set of behaviors can set off crumbling of my roof, then maybe mild shattering, and ultimate crashing.” We can use our heads about our life. Bad things happen to good people, but often we can avoid some of those bad things by just using our head. The awareness that there’s a price makes us stronger.

WOF:
What can we do about family members who sit on our roof and strain the rafters to the breaking point?

MARILYN:
I have a whole chapter on that! Probably the greatest deterrents to a roof cave in are boundaries. Certain people that have no concept of boundaries must be educated. Example: “No, you don’t come and visit unless you’re asked.” Now, that’s cranky. But it’s a boundary. The boundary word is “No.” Boundaries are the best way to keep a roof from sagging because too many get up there and nobody tells them they have to leave. Clear communication really is the key to all successful relatedness. We have to say, as they used to say in my grandson’s nursery school, “Use your words. Use your words.”

The biggest thing is our mothers. Daughters don’t know how to use boundaries with their mothers. That’s a huge, huge issue. There are individual books on just that topic—huge books written by good people! I’m looking at one right now in my library: The Mom Factor by Cloud and Townsend, which is brilliant. Mothers and Daughters is another one...and The Power of Mother Love.

Moms can really mess us up and cause us to feel dependency and an inability to break away. If you don’t break away at some point in your life—a healthy breaking away to lead your life, separate from Mother’s life—Mother’s going to sit on your roof. Mom needs to learn that she is no longer the central force in Daughter’s life. And by “central force” I mean not the guiding light. You may call and ask a parent for insight and advice; that’s healthy and welcome, but there are boundaries you must establish.

WOF:
In the book, you talk about both “thinking” and “believing.” What’s the difference?

MARILYN:
To think is to exercise the power of human reason even as it considers the improbable. To believe is to have faith, confidence, and trust in God’s sovereign intent. We can find solutions for many of life’s problems by paying attention to how we think about these problems. Our thinking may not make the problem disappear, but it can change how we respond to it.

What we believe is equally important. Even when our world feels like it’s crashing, we choose to believe that God keeps it firmly established. I cannot expect God to become a servant of my will. My will is that nothing bad will ever happen to me and to those I love. God’s will is that I trust Him.

Our roof is made up of what we think, what we believe, and what we do about what we think and believe. If we’re not smart with those building components, we’re going to get ourselves into difficulty.

WOF:
In the chapter on infidelity, you talk about David’s affair with Bathsheba. That child dies, but later God chose Bathsheba’s son, Solomon, to inherit David’s kingdom. Why do you suppose God did that, rather than choosing one of the other boys (with a different mother)?

MARILYN:
Who knows? We can only speculate. God in his sovereign design chose before the foundation of the world, before he even created Bathsheba, that this would be His creative outworking of their relationship. It was consummated in sin, the sin was forgiven, grace covered the sin, and Solomon was born. And my word, what a hero of history and the Bible he was! I don’t have an answer other than to cock my head and think, “You are really creative, God. And everything You do is grace-laced.” God is bigger than my formulas.

WOF:
You’ve got to just hate that sometimes.

MARILYN:
Wouldn’t it be easier if we could box God up the way I have my birthday cake, and lift my lid to take a bite every now and then? And know in advance exactly what it was going to be like?

WOF:
Yes, much easier! But that would be boring.

MARILYN:
And obviously, God is not boring.

WOF:
There’s a chapter in the book called “Children and Pornography.” Children and porn? Seriously?

MARILYN:
It’s not surprising when you consider that the heart of man is incurably wicked and we have an ever-increasing onslaught of advertising and media and availability for children’s inherent sin natures to flourish. We shouldn’t be surprised when children do what all human beings do; that is, indulging in what the Bible calls sin. Certainly, culture is suffering from it. It’s the availability of it that I think really needs to come to the attention of naïve Christians—and I was one prior to writing this chapter.

The National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families estimates that pornography is a $2.1 billion business. Teens and pre-teens have the availability of wireless Internet access on their cell phones. They can go from Science to Social Studies in 5 minutes and in that time be swamped with this stuff.

WOF:
That’s pretty scary. How can we protect our children?

MARILYN:
That chapter talks a lot about what exactly to do. In the home, we need to educate our kids that they have dignity and value. Their bodies were not made to be an object or commodity for cheap sexual recreation. The Bible teaches us to be treasured and guarded and defend our bodies against anyone who lacks respect for its God-given value. Kids need to be taught, “This is the body I have, that God has given me. It is to be treasured and respected.” Start out with the word “No.” “No, you may not touch me. No, I will not touch you. No, I will not change my mind.” That “no” strength comes only if kids begin to recognize the value and dignity of their own bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 talks about it. The 20th verse says, “You do not belong to yourself, God bought you with a price. You must honor God with your body.”

When I was writing this chapter I came across Jeremiah 9:21-22, “Listen, you women, to the words of the Lord. Death has crept into our windows and has entered our mansions. It has killed off the flower of our youth. Children no longer play in the streets.” Now that, historically was not talking about pornography, but they’re talking about that which seeks to destroy—and pornography seeks to destroy. “It killed off the flower of our youth” is a haunting phrase. Behind all that, of course, is the enemy, who does all that it is possible to do to entice and to destroy. And he won’t stop until he’s in the lake of fire.

When we get over being surprised, we’ve got to get active. At home, in our community, in our churches, we need to become active in educating kids and taking a stand against the kind of advertising and accessibility of this stuff to our kids. Educating our kids in our home, educating our kids in our church, educating kids in communities—kids who don’t have families where there are values. We need to get involved in youth clubs and places where we can have a voice. We can’t just sit back and go, “Tsk, tsk.”

WOF:
Let’s move on to something more fun: Talk to us about the Friday Feature you’re doing this year with Steve Arterburn and Sandi Patty.

MARILYN:
What a good time we have had! The advantage of the Friday Feature is the intimacy between those of us on the program and those sitting in the seats. We interact; we talk back and forth. They ask questions that we attempt to answer in a round table. It’s impromptu—we don’t know what their questions are going to be, and their questions generally spring from what they’re hearing us say. We talk about stuff that is more specific, perhaps, than what follows on Friday night and Saturday (although I think we’re pretty specific there, too). It’s more in-depth on topics and certainly more personal because we interact with the audience. That’s fun for us!

Sandi is just fabulous as a person who brings together the things Steve and I introduce. She sings them and brings us to a place of sweet worship and resolve for the kinds of challenges that we talk about. But she, too, has a wonderfully moving and stirring story about herself. She reveals some things she’s never said before. In fact, in the second conference, she looked kind of startled at both Steve and me (we were at the round table part) and said, “Oh my gosh, I think I’m going to tell this.” We kind of nodded, because we both knew what it was, and she said, “OK...” and then she told it...and there was a hush. It’s very vulnerable. We’re vulnerable and it encourages the audience to be vulnerable, and there’s a great sense of unity as a result. And the time just flies!

WOF:
Why should women come to Women of Faith this year?

MARILYN:
If ever there was a time in our lives when we needed to be scooped up and held in the arms of a sovereign God who says, “Trust Me, I love you. Trust Me; I will not let you go. Trust me, I’m your God forever."  We need to be encouraged. We’re scared out of our minds; we’re insecure for very obvious reasons in terms of world events and at-home events (and loss-of-home events). If ever there was a time women are deciding this is worth the money it takes for me to go, this is it. Because it will keep me encouraged and buoyed up to remember that no matter what I have experienced, what I am experiencing, and what I will experience, God’s there. He promised! He will never leave me; He is there. We definitely need that encouragement this year.